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Heading into the options menu and tinkering with the CPU player's values is all it takes to ensure yourself a guaranteed win in FIFA 13 (and make yourself look like a pro in front of your friends).
Enter the following values for the CPU players to have them do everything in slow motion and be utterly useless on the pitch:
Shot fail: 100
Pass fail: 100
Shot speed: 0
Pass speed: 0
And now enter the opposite values in User Customization for your own players:
Shot fail: 0
Pass fail: 0
Shot speed: 100
Pass speed: 100
You'll now be a football god playing amongst a bunch of amoeba-like opponents. Enjoy.